What Really Matters Before Sending Your Child to College
Parenting is hard. We do so much for our kids to try to set them up for success in life, while trusting that God will work in their lives and hearts. And eventually, we must let them go to take responsibility for themselves. Even though the final results are not up to the parents, there are still a lot of things we can do to prepare our kids for college and launch them into adulthood.
Top Priority
The most important thing to be thinking about is not their choice of major or institution. It is not the amount of debt they take on. It is not their job prospects. It is their relationship with God.
One study found that 66% of Christian kids walk away from their faith in college. In Matthew 16:26, Jesus famously asks, “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet forfeits his soul?”
So, before you start thinking about majors and meal plans and matching comforters for the dorms, I would encourage you to ask yourself, “Does my child have strong enough faith to weather the questions and self exploration that they will be wrestling with as they grow into adulthood?” I would encourage you to prioritize nurturing their budding faith over GPAs and SAT scores and all the other things that overwhelm parents of high schoolers.
While faith is an individual, personal decision that you cannot make for your children, you can teach and model the practices that have brought you closer to God, such as daily Bible reading and prayer. Have open conversations with them about the big questions they are wrestling with or how their faith plays out in relationships and decision making. This article discusses other research-backed ways to pass down your faith.
And know that, no matter what you do or say, you can’t control whether or not your kids follow Christ. But you can pray regularly that the Holy Spirit works in their heart and that they would know the peace, hope, and salvation that is only found by surrendering their life to Jesus.
Look at the Big Picture
Moving away from spiritual considerations, it’s important to keep a big picture perspective and keep the end in mind. To start, what’s your (both parents and students) goal for a college education? Job training? A degree? Life experience? Opportunity to play high level sports? Character formation?
You likely have multiple goals, so it’s important to identify and prioritize them. Knowing what you want to get out of college will direct your choices and decisions as you get into college.
Getting Out is Harder Than Getting In
Getting out of college is another important thing to keep in mind. So much time and energy goes into getting IN to college, when statistics actually show that it’s much harder to get OUT. At least with a degree.
Almost 2 out of every 5 first-time, full-time Bachelor’s degree seeking students do not complete their degree program within 8 years. Bachelor’s degrees are designed to be completed in four years. Nearly a quarter of college freshmen drop out before their sophomore year.
What prevents students from getting OUT of college with a degree? Why do so many students give up before graduation? Finances, mental health, academic challenges, and motivation are some of the main obstacles.
As parents, it’s tempting to think, “My child is smarter, stronger, and more mentally healthy than those other kids. She won’t have any trouble getting a degree in four years.” And she might be smarter, stronger, and more mentally healthy. But you never know what life will throw at her. Proverbs 22:3 says, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”
It’s clear that struggling to complete a college degree is a very real and present danger, even if you have full confidence in your child. So why not prepare yourselves?
Motivation
Lack of motivation can be detrimental to a college education, so make sure your student actually wants to go. If they don’t want to go, don’t make them. A year or two doing unskilled labor may provide more than enough motivation to earn a degree. Or they may find their calling outside of college. Not everyone belongs in college or needs it for their preferred vocation, so having it as a default requirement can be a very expensive mistake.
Academic Struggles
Another risk to completing a college degree is academic struggles. There’s this misconception floating around that everyone should go to the absolute hardest college they can get into because it’s the best. That fallacy has led to many bright and capable students dropping out of college.
Oftentimes, it’s better to be a top student and professor’s favorite in your local state college than be overlooked at the bottom of the class in Harvard. Be realistic in assessing your student’s aptitude and preparedness for any given school. Sending them to a school that they don’t have the academic foundation to succeed in is only setting them up for failure and embarrassment. Here is a very good discussion on the topic.
Mental Health
Mental health is a very popular topic these days, with young people having both greater awareness and seemingly greater struggles than previous generations. The rise of more involved parenting and even “helicopter” parenting has had a profound impact. When children don’t have the opportunity (or misfortune, depending on your perspective) to struggle and fail, they miss out on the valuable opportunity to develop resilience and learn perseverance, introspection, natural consequences, etc. In this way, sometimes when we help and protect our children, we are actually robbing them of important growth and character development.
Give your children opportunities to fail while they are still at home and your consolation and coaching is readily accessible. Allow them to face some of the harsh realities of life. Our natural instinct might be that this harms their mental health, but often it develops mental fortitude and actually improves mental health, as they come to see they can get knocked down but find a way to get back up again.
Finances
Finally, the top reason for dropping out of college—finances. As financial planners, this is our expertise.
College Choice
One of the major determinants of the cost of college is school choice. Your higher education options range from low-cost or free community colleges to private institutions charging over $80,000 per year. This is where knowing what you want from a college education and your priorities can really help you narrow down your options.
To complicate things, most students don’t actually pay the advertised cost for college. Many expensive private institutions offer so much financial aid and scholarships that they end up costing less than public state schools. This can be very hard to navigate and understand, which is why we have special software that we use with our clients specifically for this. The same software is available to the general public here.
Length of Study
In addition to sifting through to the actual cost, you need to consider how long you will be paying that cost. A common mistake is to only consider the cost of the first year of college and then run out of money before a degree has been earned. For some students, they won’t stop at just a Bachelor’s degree, but will need graduate or professional school for their chosen career. Financial aid is more abundant and loans are more affordable for a Bachelor’s degree, so if your student is planning on becoming a doctor, CPA, psychologist, or something else requiring post-graduate work, it may be wise to borrow for their undergraduate degree and save your money for graduate school. Also, even if you have the funds for a Bachelor’s degree, it may be a good idea to take out some loans anyway, as explained in this article.
Student Loans
When it comes to loans, a good rule of thumb to follow is to not borrow more than the student’s anticipated first year’s salary. If you need to borrow more than your student will be able to earn, then you should probably look at more affordable education options or more lucrative careers. Student loan debt has caused a true crisis here in the United States, affecting mental health, life decisions, and even the broader economy.
Some ways to reduce the financial burden of higher education are through dual enrollment, credit-by-exam, scholarships, employment, and smart parenting. This Guide Financial Planning article discusses these strategies in more depth and here is a list of employers who help with the cost of tuition.
Finances Beyond College
Higher education decisions affect finances far beyond the cost of college tuition. Choosing a major is a big decision, but most college students don’t realize quite how big of a decision it is. For many students, the major they choose puts them on a career path that will determine their income potential for the rest of their lives. It is important to research career options and earning potential before choosing a major and career path. This CBS News article demonstrates the importance, pointing out that drama majors earn $29,672 on average 4 years after graduating while computer science majors earn $104,799. Furthermore, that income difference will continue to compound throughout a person’s career.
There’s a popular quote that says, “do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Many young people are encouraged to pursue their passions and try to make careers out of them. However, just because you enjoy doing something doesn’t mean you should study it or try to make a career of it. Turning it into a career may rob the joy from it.
What comes after high school is a huge decision for many families. If you have a college-bound child, then hopefully this article has been helpful to you. There are many things to think about in order to set your children up for success both in college and afterwards. One thing that can be dangerous, though, is for parents to jeopardize their own financial future in order to send their kids to college. If you choose your children’s education over your own retirement, those same children will have to support you physically and financially right when their own children are wanting to go off to college.
Every family needs a financial plan that encompasses both education and retirement and both the present and future. Building a comprehensive financial plan with Guide Financial Planning will allow you to see how each piece of your financial puzzle can fit together for the good of your entire family and what God has called you to. We also have a student loan specialist on staff that can help you plan for future loans or develop a plan to pay off current loans. Schedule a free introductory phone call today to learn more.
And finally, as you work to prepare your children for life as adults, remember that God knows and loves your children even more than you do. He created them. And he sent his son Jesus to die for them. So while it’s prudent to plan, coach, and counsel your children, know that God is trustworthy and you can entrust their future to Him.
About Guide Financial Planning
Guide Financial Planning is led by founder Ben Wacek, who is a Christian fee-only Certified Financial Planner® and Certified Kingdom Advisor®. He has a passion for helping people of all income levels make wise financial decisions and steward their resources from an eternal perspective using Biblical principles. Based in Minneapolis, MN, he works with clients both locally and virtually throughout the country and abroad. You can follow the links to learn more about Guide Financial Planning and our team and the services we offer.